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Chris takes Colin to breweries and makes him try beers he may or may not like.

Chris Makes Colin Drink

by Colin McGuire

WHO’S UP
Attaboy Beer, 400 Sagner Ave., Suite 400, Frederick

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK …
• Galaxy Maid (New England IPA)
• Tarts McGee Peachy (tart ale with peach and apricot)
• Mermaid Blood (hibiscus blonde)
• Lunch Break (patersbier)
• Creek Life Vic Secret (extra pale ale)

WHY?
To play games, duh! No, but really: Chris and I did one of these for another publication a bunch of months ago, but because I won the games of gigantic Connect Four that we played then, he demanded we step back on the playing field for a different competition. Note: My definition of “won” might be different than yours.

HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?
On a scale of 1 to 10 … about a 65. First, this was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and traffic was Black-Friday-shopping crazy. So, that sucked. And then, I also knew I had to wake up at 3 the next morning to drive to Florida. And ohhh boy, let me tell you something. When you’re staring down the barrel of that drive, you need a lot more than five tiny glasses of beer to help you feel better about stuff.

THE VIBE
Their block letter branding really set the vibe. It’s also very smart of the people who run the place because it sets them apart from other local breweries. But back to the task at hand. Young pretty people who will forever make four times as much money as I do in a year. Industrial. Game-friendly. Pet-friendly. Everything anyone who ever wears flannel would want.

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS
My first-ever game of Jenga! Which doesn’t do me any favors because my hands shake harder and more frequently than a maraca at a Santana concert.

NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …
Welp. I didn’t like ’em. Not a single one. Which, I suppose, is the point of this nonsense: Make Colin drink stuff he doesn’t want to drink. But this time around, it felt like the disdain was more intense than it had been before. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be the Lunch Break, but I can’t really tell you why. Chris, on the other hand, liked pretty much all the beers. And while his second favorite was the Tarts McGee Peach, he sure does love himself some Galaxy Maid, mostly because of its bitterness (which, naturally, I can appreciate). Perhaps unsurprisingly, he also noted that it is the brewery’s most popular beer. So, cool, Chris: Be like everyone else. I bet you own an iPhone, too.

WILL WE BE GOING BACK?
Yeah, we’ll go back. First, because I need to get my revenge in Jenga and I’ll be sure to wear a cast so my hands don’t shake. Second, because I have had beer that I like at Attaboy and this experience didn’t leave me with any of those good tastes in my mouth. (See what I did there?) And third, it’s probably unfair to judge beer whilst (I hate people who use “whilst”) knowing I have a 15-hour drive in front of me. So, all in all, this dispatch has been wildly sabotaged and unfairly written, but hey: You can only lose in Jenga so many times before the bitterness from the beer transports from the glass to your mood.

December 20, 2018 0 comment

CMCD

Chris Makes Colin Drink – Adroit Theory

WHO’S UP

Adroit Theory Brewing Company, 404 Browning Court C, Purcellville, Virginia

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK …

AK (Silent Warrior Edition) NE IPA

B/A/Y/S Imperial Stout

BLVCK Celebration Imperial Porter

Dia De Los Muertos RIS

BLVCK Celebration with Frosted Sugar Cookies

WHY?

If you check out the next edition of the Uncapped Magazine, you’ll see a cover story on the fine people at Adroit and that cover story will be written by me (the “Colin” in the “Chris Makes Colin Drink”). So, hey: We were already there, and it seemed like a good idea.

HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?

I was torn. It was an awful day, but I still had a lot of work to do after interviewing the people there. So, on a scale of “Get Away From Me” to “I Can’t Live Without It,” I’ll go with, “I Need It. Now.”

THE VIBE

It really did kind of feel like a very large garage, which was neat in its own way. They are expanding soon, from what I understand, so it’s not going to look like that forever (i.e. go visit them now!), but as for vibes, we’ll say, “Unexpected Metal-Head-Chic.”

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS

There was a lot, actually. I really liked owner Mark Osborne, and the beer, while explicitly novel, was pretty good (remember: This comes from someone who considers three tall Coors Lights at Red Robin “lunch”). In fact, I’d even say I liked them more than Chris at times. As for the best? Well, there was a Pina colada beer that was out of this universe. Ask Chris. Even he agrees.

NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …

It should be noted that B/A/Y/S stands for “Black As Your Soul,” which is ripped from the classic Nine Inch Nails song “Head Like A Hole.” And while that’s a fun tidbit, I’ll also add that it’s the only stout we had, so you can guess which beer I liked the most. As for Chris, he thought the AK (Silent Warrior) was really good, which was evidenced by him saying, “I think this is really good.” Better yet, it was 8.3 percent ABV, and the stronger the beers, the better. Especially for us depressive folk. And while Chris didn’t have much to say about the BLVCK Celebration with frosted sugar cookies … come on, man! It’s a beer with frosted sugar cookies! It was great! Don’t let the expert mislead you.

WILL WE BE GOING BACK?

I’d really like to. It’s a ways out there, but it’s definitely worth the drive. Besides: Where else can you find a lemonade coconut punch beer?!?

August 30, 2018 0 comment

CMCD

Chris Makes Colin Drink

By Colin McGuire

Chris Sands is the founder and host of the UnCapped Podcast and a craft beverage enthusiast. Colin McGuire is the features editor of The Frederick News-Post, a fan of interjections and possessor of a palate that believes discrimination is just wrong. Together, they hit up pubs and breweries, where—and if you deciphered our headline you won’t be surprised by this—Chris makes Colin drink. And Colin recounts the experience:

WHO’S UP
Peabody Heights Brewery, 401 E. 30th St., Baltimore

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK :
• Bash Bros with watermelon
• Bash Bros with guava
• Bash Bros
• Goonda Post with chai
• Goonda Post with coconut
• Goonda Post
• Peabody Heights Pseudo Science
• Goonda Double Mumble

WHY?
Because God knows Chris needs yet another reason to somehow con his bosses into allowing his “work” to be “having someone else drive him to Baltimore for a beer release.” Or, well, I think there was a beer release there, at least. I don’t know. I just agree to do these things months in advance only to truly despise my life once it actually comes time to do them. An hour drive … to stand in a line for 15 minutes … to have a taste of a beer … on a Wednesday night. It’s a very specific blend of torture.

HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?
About as much as I wanted to drive around the block 9,471 times to try to find a parking space near this thing — only to eventually find a space on the street … and have Chris call me to tell me a space closer to the brewery opened up.

THE VIBE
Pretty much exactly as you’d expect a brewery to look, smell, feel and taste in the middle of Baltimore.
The coolest thing about the place, though, was the fact that it really felt like you were walking through the production side of a brewery to get to wherever you were going. Even the restrooms seemed to be in the middle of where beer was being made. Neat.

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS
Some kids approached my car at a red light and while Chris and I were both under the impression our lives were going to end somewhat unceremoniously, they literally just washed half my windshield.
I had no money for them. They moved on. So. Um. Well. At least I can say half my car is clean.

NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …
Have you ever had beer with chai tea in it? No, wait. Have you ever wanted to have beer with chai tea in it? Yeah, me neither.
Turns out, though, Mr. Chris Sands loves himself some Goonda Post with chai tea. He even said things like, “I like that,” and “Surprising.” His favorite, though, was Double Mumble, which is also a beer that I think he said is one of his favorites ever. (It was hard to hear what he was saying due to both my inexorable apathy and the fact that the place was crowded.) The only one he didn’t care for much was the Goonda Post with coconut because, honestly, you could find more coconut taste in an orange.
As for me … well, the only thing I walked away with was this prevailing question: What the hell is guava? “It tastes like Ecto Cooler Hi-C from back in the day,” I heard someone say, immediately reminding me how much I detest the phrase “back in the day.”
No, but honestly. What the hell is guava? Anyway, I loved (loved!) the regular Goonda Post, which instantly became one of my favorite stouts ever (ever!). What I didn’t love was Kyle. Or Carl. Or Carlin.
No, those weren’t people I met; those were names I was mistakenly called by Chris’s friend. To this second, I still don’t think she knows my name is “Colin.”

WILL WE BE GOING BACK?
I’m sure Chris will. And truth be told, I might even make the trek again one day myself. That stout was deeee-licious. Now, if only someone would tell me what the hell guava is.

July 20, 2018 0 comment

CMCD

Chris Makes Colin Drink – Flying Dog Brewery

WHO’S UP

Flying Dog Brewery, 4607 Wedgewood Blvd, Frederick

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK

Guava Juice IPA

Double Dead Rise Summer Ale

House Rules Extra Pale Ale

Road Dog Porter

WHY?

This is the seventh installment of “Chris Makes Colin Drink” and I know, without reserve, that you already knew that. In any case, if we are to go to area breweries, it kind of amazes me that it took us six columns before we got to what has to be Frederick’s premiere craft brewery, right? People from all around the world go to Flying Dog. And yet it took us about six months to make it there. I blame Chris.

HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?

I really, really wanted a beer. The thing that I’m realizing about these trips, however, is that tasting flights kind of suck. And if you split them with another person … well they REALLY suck. Why? Because I want to drink, damn it! I don’t want to have a “taste” and then go back for more, only to know I’m half-kissing Chris with the way he slobbers all over the glasses.

THE VIBE

It’s Flying Dog. You know the vibe already, don’t you? Modern. Industrial. Wooden. That chalkboard where someone is trying to be clever about who’s cool and who’s not. Ralph Steadman art. Popular music that could be described as nostalgic playing in an ironic manner over the speakers. Or hipster music that could be described as modern playing in a not-as-obvious ironic manner over the speakers. It’s Flying Dog, man. You know.

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS

“It’s dark,” Chris told me about the Road Dog Porter. “Like your soul.” I don’t think this is the first time that quote has been used in this column. And this only the seventh installment.

NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …

I don’t know. If I’m being honest — and that’s my job, isn’t it?! — then I’d have to say that this was probably the most disappointing outing we’ve had thus far. We grabbed only four beers and one of them amounted to little more than a canister of Old Bay Hot with a dash of alcohol in it. Chris, though — he loves that House Rules, man. In fact, he loves it so much, he said, “you are objectively wrong if you don’t like it.” True love, indeed. As far as I’m concerned, though, I’m getting awfully tired of whatever the hell guava is. I feel like we’re three months away from Natty Both Guava, in which case we’ll know we have about six more weeks of drinkable beer before the entire industry collapses on itself.

WILL WE BE GOING BACK?

I would imagine we will be going back eventually. Flying Dog does a lot of neat things and I personally love The Fear. Here’s hoping nobody is toying with the idea of Triple Dead Rise Fear. In that case, I’d be left with no other option than a Natty Both Guava.

June 28, 2018 0 comment

CMCD

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK … Barley & Hops

Check out the audio and video versions —> http://bit.ly/uncapped89

WHO’S UP

Barley & Hops, 5473 Urbana Pike, Frederick

CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK …

Knapsack Pale Ale

Honest Puck(er) Passionfruit Sour

MarGose Lager – Unreleased Gose

Snowflake Gorilla

Polak Approved Baltic Porter

WHY?

You know, I’m not quite sure. I know that Chris wanted to film video of us doing one of these. I also know that we’ve filmed video of us doing these types of things before and those videos have never seen the light of day, so my guess is that whatever we did won’t see the light of day, which means we set up a lot of video cameras and were a nuisance to the Barley & Hops people for no real reason, which means there’s a strong chance the people at Barley & Hops will want to kill me again, much like they wanted to a couple years ago. So, thanks, Chris.

HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?

Well, it was a bad day, so I was actually pretty pumped on having a beer or seven. At that point, I just needed something to make me A) not angry, B) less sad, C) utterly forgetful and D) somewhat chatty. Beer: The only thing that makes us human.

THE VIBE

We actually sat outside, and it was neither “raining” or “209 degrees,” so that was nice. The problem was that we definitely had a leaf blower situation developing in front of our very ears. It’s hard to talk on camera and be heard when some dude with a cannon of hurricane air is obsessed with three leaves across a parking lot. It’s also hard to talk on camera and be heard when someone doesn’t press record, but that’s another story.

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS

Well, it’s always good to break bread (beer) with the Barley & Hops guys, if only because I know at least one of them wanted my severed head on a pike at one point. The “will this be the time he smashes my head through a bar stool” tension always makes for fun hangs.

NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …

Well, to me, the beer got better as we went along. “Oh, that one’s tough. That one’s a tough one. I love it,” I said after trying Knapsack as my first beer, proving to no one that I actually loved it. Chris, more convincingly, said, “I really like this.” So, score one for The Sack. As for my favorite? That trophy went to Polak Approved Baltic Porter, not only for its ambiguously racial name, but also because I like dark beers. Or, well, dark beers and warmed-up Natty Boh. Chris, for his part, didn’t like the porter, an opinion that was enhanced by him saying, “I don’t like it.” That said, there’s no way he could have not liked it as much as I didn’t like the heartburn that all these beers caused. Thank God this place is located near a Target. I needed three shelves of TUMS by the time everything was said and done.

WILL WE BE GOING BACK?

I would say yes — but only if I’m guaranteed security upon walking through the door.

June 14, 2018 0 comment

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